


All That's Left Of Him

by Writing_wrxngs



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Alternate Universe - The Ghost Of You Video, Dead Mikey Way, Hitchhiker Gerard Way, Hitchhiking, M/M, Past Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Traumatized Gerard Way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_wrxngs/pseuds/Writing_wrxngs
Summary: It was a bittersweet homecoming for the Way family. Never in their lives did they imagine either of their boys going off to war, let alone both of them, and only in their nightmares did they imagine one of them never coming home. However, that's just what happened.Their eldest son, Gerard was the one who lived to return to his hometown in New Jersey. But he didn't come back the same. Greif stricken, he hadn't left his room for days, until one day, he finally looks through the box of trinkets belonging to Mikey, and discovers a memento promising more memories of his brother.Running away without a word, he goes off in search of a mystery, and on the way, discovers things he knew knew about his brother, and things he never knew about himself.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz
Kudos: 11





	1. A Solemn Return

  1. New Jersey



There were few things of note that Gerard Way had brought home with him from the war. Though they were few in number, they spelled out how truly changed he was as a man. Among all his other, meaningless possessions he had his discharge papers, two sets of dog tags, and a small wooden box belonging to his dead brother. He carried these things particularly close to him throughout the long journey home. It was a lonely and tiresome journey, despite all of the people he saw along the way. He had kept to himself, preferring to be alone during this time.

Even though his parents had gotten word that he would be returning, Gerard still wanted to surprise them, though he supposed it wasn’t much of a surprise. Maybe he was just trying to make sure he had time to collect himself before facing them. Though, on his own front porch, he still felt the mounting tension. As soon as he knocked on the door, he felt as if he was making a mistake.

The door opened slowly at first, before it was thrown open the rest of the way. His mother practically pounced on him, and wrapped herself around him, already crying. Attracted by the commotion, his father got up from his chair and ran to the door when he saw the scene. In a wordless flurry, they all managed to make their way inside and collect Gerards possessions from the porch. After collecting themselves, his parents begged him to sit down, saying he must’ve been so tired from all the traveling. He complied, still feeling awkward and tense in his own home. As soon as he sat down, so did his parents. He stared silently at them.

They stared back. The pain and bittersweet excitement was palpable. Both his mother and father were wearing misty eyed smiles, but neither could bring themselves to say anything.

Gerard let out a chuckle in the hopes of diffusing the situation. It didn’t work. Swallowing hard, he figured he’d better say something before someone started crying or something. “I… I really missed you. It was real lonely before I got back.”

His father nodded. “We missed you, too. All we’ve been doing since we got word you were coming back is wait. Not much else to do.”

His mother still stayed silent, watching Gerard like his presence was a miracle. She pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes.

“The trip back wasn’t too hard, was it?” His father asked.

The question baffled Gerard. ‘Hard’ was relative. It was long, of course, and while he was with people every step of the way, he was still alone. Draining would be the more appropriate word, though in reality, it seemed more like the appropriate word didn’t exist. Still, he was seeing a way out of an awkward conversation, so he took the bait. “It was real long, you know? Whole lot of transfers. I was gonna sleep on the train here, but I wasn’t able to. I guess I’m pretty tired.”

“Heh,” his father said, already getting up. “I’ll take your stuff upstairs. Let you rest after a trek like that.”

Gerard got up after his father picked up the luggage and went up the stairs. He turned to his mother. “I think it’d be nice to phone the neighbors and let them know I’m back. They probably already know. I’m sure someone’s seen me,” he said with another small chuckle. “But, it's better to be ahead of the rumor mill.”

She nodded and smiled. “I’ve been waiting to tell people. I wanted to keep it a secret ‘til I saw you here, back home with us. Folks already know about Mikey, of course… it was in the paper, you know?”

“Oh I’m sure it was. Sorry I can’t spend more time right now, but I feel awful after that trip.”

“It’s just good to have you back,” his mother said, tearing up again.

Gerard smiled. “It’s good to be back,” he said, unsure if he was lying or not. After the short exchange, he went up the stairs behind his father and into his bedroom.

His suitcases were already placed on his bed. “Do you need help unpacking?” Asked his father, standing in the center of the room with his hands folded.

“No, no, I got it dad. Thanks for offering. All I need is some time to rest.”

His father nodded and silently left the room.

It didn’t take much time to unpack all his things. Gerard had few things in general, so it was easy. At the bottom of the last bag though, was the most valuable thing he owned. It was a small box made of cheap wood, and about the size of a novel. It had a lock on it, but the key was always in it, and on the bottom, roughly carved into the wood were the words “property of M.W”

Gerard had never opened the box. According to his brother, it contained only his most prized possessions. It felt disrespectful to just go through it. Merely holding it meant the world to Gerard, and that was enough. He ran his hands over it, being as gentle as he could, and ran his fingers over the inscription on the bottom. He took this moment to think, the first time it felt like he could really do that. He let out a long slow breath and closed his eyes. He had tried to sleep on the train, but it wasn’t too loud. He just couldn’t sleep. Why did he lie to his parents? He knew why. He didn’t want them to worry. He could tell they were already concerned anyway. Maybe it was stupid to lie, but Gerard didn’t want to think about that. Right now, he just had to focus on being home and returning to life the way it was before. Or at least, the closest he could manage to returning. He didn’t know what that was yet. He shook all of that out of his head and stopped staring at the box. He gingerly placed it on top of his dresser, and stripped down to his t shirt and underwear.

He dropped down onto his bed, and stared hopelessly at the ceiling. He was fairly certain he wasn’t going to get any rest here either, but he knew he had to try. Against every reflex in his body, he closed his eyes and rolled over, begging for the darkness and restoration.

Eventually, his body gave in, and he was able to actually sleep for the first time in days.


	2. An Awkward Welcoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Gerard's been home for a day, people outside his family have gotten word of his return. All he gets from this is unwanted attention.

The Next Morning

Gerard woke up the next morning, after a night of fitful and restless sleep. He got dressed and came down the stairs. His parents were already waiting for him in the kitchen. His mother was cooking breakfast, and his father was at the table, drinking coffee.

“Mornin’” He said, the tiredness in his voice still apparent under the facade he put on around his parents.

“Good morning, dear, I’ve already got a place set for you, take a seat. Breakfast will be ready in a jiffy,” his mother said, already less of a teary mess than last night.

Gerard nodded in thanks and took a seat across from his father at the small breakfast table. It wasn’t the table they always ate at, they had a dining room, this was just for little informal things like a weekend breakfast. It just fit the kitchen and perfectly sat four people. The seat to the left of him was set for his mother. The one to the right was empty. It would always be empty from now on. Gerard stared at it silently.

His father took notice and spoke up. “Son?”

“Oh, uh, sorry. Yes?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you were still on the same planet.”

Gerard pulled a feeble smile and laughed it off. “Yeah, I’m here on earth.”

Stepping in to place a plate in front of him, Gerard's mother gave a similarly awkward laugh. “I sure hope you’re here. We’ve actually got company today. The Campbells from across the street are coming over. They wanted to welcome you back. They’ll be here for dinner.”

He nodded at this, and took a bite of his food. He swallowed and then said, “great.” 

“I would have asked you, but they insisted. I hope it's not a problem”

It was a problem, but he could deal with it. It was unwanted attention, but Gerard knew that his life was going to be nothing but unwanted attention for a good while. “It’s fine. Just lemme know when it is so I can get ready.”

“Of course. They’ll be here at six thirty. I suppose that means you’ll have the day to yourself,” replied his mother, finally setting down to eat. 

Breakfast continued in silence, no one in a particular mood to talk. No one looked at each other except for short, fleeting glances. Gerard’s father was the first to finish eating, before Gerard, and then his mother. After they finished, they all went off to do their own thing for the day. His father had work, and his mother had a litany of things to do to prepare for company tonight. However, Gerard had nothing. He had no work waiting for him. He had no desire for anything recreational, either. Still, after breakfast, he went back up the stairs to his bedroom.

He was growing to hate the room, despite only having been home for less than a full day. The only time he had spent in it was time sleeping, as well, and now as he stood there, fully awake, he felt the most miserable he had felt since the day Mikey died. The room had never been quieter in his absence.

Gerard and Mikey shared a bedroom throughout childhood, and the evidence of that still stood. Mikey’s side of the room was especially untouched. His mother had been telling him that she had come in and kept the room tidy while the boys were gone, but it was evident that while there had been plenty of straightening of Gerard’s side, likely in anticipation of his return, but, Mikey’s side had been merely dusted, things left in a more organic manner rather than showing the earmarks of a mother’s touch in tidying. The only exception to this was Mikey’s bed. The bed was neatly and perfectly made, clearly in the way his mother made beds, and completely untouched. It was pristine. And, as far as Gerard could see, it always would be.

This part of the room felt like a shrine. It felt wrong to call it such a thing, but this is exactly what it was. It was blasphemous to touch, and being in its presence hurt and made Gerard feel small. He turned away from it, and made himself focus on the things on his own side of the bedroom. This was a place he could touch, but still, the traces of his brother still were there. They were unignorable, but they weren’t the painful holiness that existed in his brother's side. Gerard carefully went through his possessions, finishing any unpacking he hadn’t done last night, and just hoping to kill as much time as possible.

Gerard kept many things in his room that he was unable to take with him. He had some photographs of his family, and some of his old friends from high school. There were small trinkets, gifts he had been given for birthdays or graduation that he had kept for years now. Most disheartening, however, were the art supplies. Before he had enlisted, Gerard had been an artist. He had been working on his art since he was in high school, and after he had graduated, he was finally starting to get his footing in the art world. That had changed when Mikey had been drafted, and Gerard enlisted behind him. Now, he couldn’t bring himself to even draw small things anymore. The only thing he hoped for was that his inspiration would come back someday. Art had gotten him through so many things, but this loss seemed insurmountable. Instead of doing anything productive, Gerard picked up a book he had read a million times and sat down on his bed, rereading it once more.

Finally, six-thirty was nearing, and Gerard had to get ready for what he knew was going to be a miserable evening. Regardless, he knew he would never hear the end of it from his mother if he wasn’t present for company, and looking nice for them. He double checked himself in the mirror and deemed his appearance acceptable, then came down and met his parents, who were awaiting the company in the living room.

He sat on the couch opposite his parents, and nodded in greeting as he sat down. After that, they all said nothing. Gerard looked at his hands awkwardly, before glancing at random things in the room. The portraits on the mantle, the old clock standing in the corner, the crucifix on the wall, and the portrait of Mary opposite it all got equal attention from him, all of it fleeting, but it added up.

The neighbors came, and his mother took no time greeting them. He and his father stood up to receive them, and afterwards, they stood in the living room. Mr Campbell smiled kindly. “It’s good to have you back, Gerard. It was mighty strange not having you here.”

Of course he would say that. The Campbells were always around the Way family. They went to church together, and they had known Gerard since he was a little kid. “Yeah,” said Gerard, “uh, thanks.”

Mr. Campbell changed his tone after that to a more sympathetic one. “We’re also sorry to hear about Mikey. He was a good kid.”

Gerard nodded. “Yeah,” he repeated.

Gerard’s mother stepped into the situation. “Well, dinner will be ready shortly, why don’t you come take a seat in the dining room?”

They all took this suggestion and went to the dining room. They all sat down at the big dining table, and waited to be served. Like his mother had said, it wasn’t very long before food was on the table, and then after grace, they ate.

“So, do you have any plans now that you’re back home?” Asked Mrs Campbell, after gently dabbing her lips with a napkin.

Gerard awkwardly moved his food around and shrugged. “I don’t really know yet. I was doing a lot of stuff with my art before, but… I think I’m just gonna try to re-adjust for a little bit, if that makes sense.”

She nodded understandingly. “Well, you know, if you want, you always come to us when you’re ready. I’m sure Ned can get you a job somewhere.”

“Uh, thanks.”

The rest of the dinner went along like that. Prying questions and forced sympathy. Gerard answered them as best he could, but it was obvious he was getting more and more uncomfortable. By the time it was over, the Campbells had simply started talking to his parents.

They left shortly thereafter. Gerard's father turned to him once they were gone. “I’m sorry they were so nosy, Gerard. I’ll talk to them next time I see them. They think they can ask whatever they want because they’ve known you so long.”

“How long is it going to be like this?” Asked Gerard.

“What?”

“You know. All these questions, all the sympathetic looks. When are people gonna go back to treating me like normal?”

His father shook his head. “I don’t know. But you know, it’s still never gonna be the same no matter what. Just give it time.”

“If you say so. I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

Gerard went to his bedroom, and got in his bed, but instead of sleeping, he just layed in bed awake for much longer than he had wanted, frustrated at where he was in life, and the hopelessness he felt for the future was more pressing than it ever had been. Still, there was nothing he could really do about it, so instead, he got into a staring match with the ceiling and let his emotions stew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so surprised this is already getting kudos! I know its not a lot right now, but it's still really exciting to see. This is my first AO3 fic, and it's the first fanfic I've written in a very long time. I've been away from the fanfiction world so long. It's so nice to see that people are enjoying what I'm hoping will become an amazing fic!
> 
> I'm not super proud of this chapter, but I'm sure I'll be better once things get ramping up! I'm really anxious to see that happen, which sounds weird to say as an author, but I really enjoy writing this, and I hope you all like it! 
> 
> xx, Jaye


End file.
